Like many of you, I am plagued with the stress of naming my first child.

However, my child will be an English bully that looks like this:

My child will be born in the next couple weeks and I’ll get her around August. While I’m BURSTING with excitement, naming other beings sucks. A lot. I mean, I can’t even name my blog anything interesting (working on it....ish).

There is a flaw for every name I like. It most likely will be female and white, possibly with brown spots.

In example,

Cupcake.

When I hear Cupcake, I picture this:

So cute. However, everyone told me it’s way too “cutesy”. But they forget. While THIS? 

Is “cutsey” as a Cupcake, bulldogs grow up.

And this? As a Cupcake?

Is hilarious.

Cupcake is running for the win.

I then thought of Portly. Because what would a fat English gentleman be? A PORTLY gentleman.

And it actually sounds like a name!

However, my dog will be a girl. I don’t want to give her a gender complex. And then there’s the whole “calling her fat in a fancy way” thing. I’m still conflicted.

And then there was Nugget. In which, I picture this:

Adorable! Bulldogs DO remind me of chicken nuggets!

Until my baby sister informed me that it could be construed as a drug reference. I was apparently absent that day in school when we learned every possible name for any drug ever. And again, it sounds like a boy.

And then we came to Moo.

I’m still in love with this one but everyone says no. Moo is funny and you all know it.

There was also Miss Piggy.

My mother told me that was cruel to name my dog that. As if there is anything wrong with looking like a little pig! I happen to find pigs adorable. My only issue is that actual Miss Piggy bothers me.

But Miss Piggy sparked a whole “let’s name her after a character – especially an animated character!” thing.

Like, Alice. As in my FAVORTE FAVORITE thing of all time, Alice in Wonderland.

But then I think of Alice from the Brady Bunch (terrifying) or that book Go Ask Alice (also terrifying).

Bambi.

But I honestly hate that movie – it is too sad for me to even watch!

And Hamm.

Which is funny but sounds like a boy and I kind of hear John Ratzenburg’s voice when I say it which is creepy.

So I kind of gave up on that and went to people names.

The cutest? Molly.

Oh wait.

Except how stupid does Molly and Holly sound?

And then I thought of Dolly.

So then I found Chloe.

Until someone informed me that Chloe reminds her of that prostitute movie.

And then I think of this.

And then my mother suggested Muffin, and I could call her Muffy for short.

Which I didn't see anything wrong with. Until OF COURSE someone had to tell me.

I am not providing a picture reference for this one.

And now I’m back to Cupcake.

Thoughts? Help?